My Mind Wandered…And Still Hasn’t Come Back!

All my life, people have told me how smart I am. When I was having trouble in school, Mom asked my guidance counselor if I had a learning disability. “Not at all,” he assured her. “She could make straight As if she made the effort. Your daughter is bored. She’s smart and she has a photographic memory. She picks up things much faster than her classmates, and gets restless when the teachers have to spend the time normally needed for the kids to learn. Because she’s bored, she cuts class and acts out.”

brain funny 2I ended up quitting school. I think they were secretly happy to see me go.

In the hospital following my first head injury, my doctor came into my room one day and announced, “I have a surprise for you. You’re going to college.”

“I have a surprise for you,” I told him. “I didn’t finish high school.” All the effort I’d put into going over the wall, and here was this guy wanting to send me back? No way!

These days, there are courses to be taken before taking the GED exam. I never took any classes, just the exam. It wasn’t that difficult.

I left St. Louis University with one year to go to get my degree. Why? Bored again. I just don’t do well in a classroom environment. I see Collin taking his courses online and wish I’d had that option. I might have actually finished what I started.

I’ve never felt all that smart. I’ve certainly made some stupid decisions in my life. But then, intelligence and common sense don’t always go hand-in-hand.  Dad used to say smart people know they don’t have all the answers, while idiots are too stupid to know they don’t know everything. Sometimes, emotion overrides intelligence. Sometimes, pride gets in the way. Pride can be a dangerous thing. I speak from experience there.

brain funny 1But that’s not what today’s post is about. Nope, today, I’m writing about my latest screw-up.

I’ve been a writer–professionally–for thirty years now. I’ve written sixteen published novels. By this time, I should know the drill, right? Write, rewrite, revise, edit, proofread–I’d done it all with each book. Since signing with Creativia, we’ve already prepared two of my books for re-publication. Yet when I received the proofread copy of The Unicorn’s Daughter a few days ago, as I went over it, I was surprised to find so many words in red. Why were they in red? Was something wrong with the file?

I quickly emailed my publisher. As I waited for his response, it was pointed out to me that the red words are words that had been changed. They were in red so I could find them!

I’ve been doing well on the new medication, but I’m not completely seizure-free yet. Sleep deprivation is a real seizure trigger. After a seizure, I’m often confused for a little while. I had gone over the proof copy after a seizure, knowing I should wait. As a result, I didn’t recognize the red words for what they were.

Godzilla facepalmFacepalm time….


From the Pages of the International Intruder: Facebook Felon Freed!

Good news! As of last night, my partner in crime is out of Facebook Jail and back to wreaking havoc across the internet! I couldn’t resist penning a story for our faux Facebook tabloid, The International Intruder, incorporating comments from some of our fellow authors as we welcomed him back to the asylum while plotting the release of another friend and Facebook felon, Shelly Arkon….



Exclusive to the Intruder: There were celebrations everywhere on the internet last night, from Facebook to Twitter to Google + to personal blogs as wrongly accused Facebook writer and blogging scoundrel William Kendall was finallly freed from Facebook Jail. When asked for comment, Kendall responded, “I’m back. Big as life and twice as ugly.”

Fellow Writers Mayhem group member/author Alan Jankowski had this to say to Kendall of his release: “There were some people here who seemed to think you were never coming back….”

His other Facebook peers had much more to say about the situation that kept him off the pages for two long weeks. Notorious Writers Digest lifer Lin Robinson was in a surly mood. “I demand to be suspended so people don’t think I’m a wimp. I’m not suspicious and dickish enough for them? This hurts, really.”

This reporter echoes Robinson’s feelings on the subject. I’m really starting to feel like a total failure. I’m the resident troublemaker! Why are the powers that be leaving me alone? Am I not trying hard enough?

Facebook sucks

Author Eve Gaal: “Je Suis William…just because there’s no one home at the asylum doesn’t mean you guys can get all naughty and scandalous….”

Author Lisa Taylor: “Well, I plan to write something horribly scandalous as soon as I can think of it.”

Author Mark R. Hunter: “This should get at least ONE of us banned, and then I can write a column about it.”

Before we resume the celebration, let me remind you that the fight for justice is not over. Author Shelly Arkon is still confined to Facebook Jail and in need of help in obtaining her release.

Author Michael Kizzia had this to say of Arkon’s suspension: “Shelly is suspicious? What? Glowstick and Hairball hacked into something?”

Author Timothy Hurley: “You can get suspended for scrolling past a cat video….

Anyone up for storming the Bastille?